Strangely Dim…

I’ve had all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don’t know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can’t see
Past the things I pray                                                                                                                                                                                                         Today

I heard this song by Francesca Battistelli one morning, this past week, on my way to school and I couldn’t stop it, the guilt…this is me.  I get so frustrated with life when things don’t go the way that I had planned.  I have such a hard time accepting and waiting on God’s timing, which is perfect, in case you haven’t heard.  I feel slighted, that I don’t have and I’m not where I should be according to my timetable AND society in the South.  “You’re 30 and you’re not married…why not?”  I wonder why I’m not worthy of someone to love, why I don’t deserve it.  What am I doing wrong?

Then, I dive into the Word and I see, life isn’t all about finding a “soulmate”.  What if I’m meant to go somewhere to feed the hungry, the sick, or the powerless?  Could I do that if I weren’t single?  Not really.  My sweet married friend reminds me all the time that I’m in such a “sweet spot”.  That there is so much possibility in my life and God can do pretty much anything with me.  And me?  I kinda dig that.  How cool is it that little ol’ me could go anywhere and do anything for the Lord and spreading the Gospel?!  I pray every day for our Father to lead me, to put me where he wants me.  I think I’m gonna have to be hit upside the head with it…

In the end:

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don’t look around
Any place I’m in
Grows strangely dim

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