Oh, and don’t move AT ALL

womp womp womp womp. BANG BANG BANG BANG.  CLANGITTY CLANGITTY CLAGITTY.  CLANG CLANG CLANG.

real

Yes, my friends this is what it sounds like inside of a MRI scan.  I only had to be in there for 14 minutes but that was long enough.

The technician handed me ear plugs as I laid down.  The machine was already making a noise.  I didn’t think I really needed the ear plugs for that.  I could handle it.  After all, I am a first grade teacher.

He told me that would hear a lot of banging and not to move AT ALL.  Well, ok then.  (Truthfully, my knee started aching about halfway through.  I think I was holding my breath because I didn’t want to do this again.)

All week I had been fine.  “I’m not nervous about the MRI,” I told co-workers and friends.  “I am more nervous about the results and what’s to come,” I said.  This is a girl who spent the majority of her teens in tanning beds.  (I know, I know.  I don’t go anymore but I did during 2000-2001 prom season.)  Surely, it couldn’t be any worse than that.  I mean, a tanning bed actually closes over you.

Ok, here’s the truth.  That noise was scary.  Not in the way that I felt like I was going to be harmed scary, but in the way that haunted houses are scary.  You know that nothing’s actually going to happen to you but there’s still a healthy fear there.

Not only was I in this tiny enclosed space, but it was so loud.  Literally, my head is throbbing right now, but inside there I was not hurting.  I was nervous.  Irrational anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks.

I just started praying and praising.  Worship over worry, right?  I’m thankful to be healthy, to have an able body, even if I can’t run right now.  It will come, all at the right time.  I could be battling much scarier things than a bum knee.  I know that and do not want to take that for granted.  I’m grateful the overabundance of people who care about me and share a common thread in my life.  I’m overwhelmed by the love I feel that I desire to share what I can with others so that they may make their lives shine brighter.  As the name states, I live with an overwhelmed heart and for that I express gratitude.  So, no matter what that scan reveals, I know that I have enough.

gratitude

 Have you ever had an MRI or a scarier scan?

What has your worse injury been?  How did you overcome it?

keep my eyes above the waves

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

Grace.  fear.  failure.  These words so often go hand in hand for me.  I know that what I can do is nothing.  What Grace can do is everything.  If it wasn’t for Grace, who knows where I’d be now or what I’d be doing.  But, God, He takes care of me but yet sometimes I still doubt, I still fear, I still wonder.

Crazy things happen every day.  Nothing ever completely out of hand happens to me.  Sometimes I fear that I’m living a life of too much comfort.  That I can’t be that dependent on God because I don’t need him.  I hear the words to this song and I know that I just need to take that leap.  I’m ready to free fall with Him into this life that I would love to live but is such a “risk”.  Can I really do this?  Is it a calling or is it a selfish endeavor?  How do I know?  Well, I know because this is something that I could never ever do on my own.  This is beyond me.  Out of my hands.  Out of my control.  Spirit lead me…

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Take a moment and worship.  You’ll be better for it.